Stop and Go.

 Can you tell which light is on? Is it a go? Or should you stop??

Yeah... That's totally how I've been feeling these past few days.  This Monday we received an UNofficial referral for a sweet little girl named "Liuliu" (a loving nickname given by her caretakers in the orphanage)... and we were pumped!  It was the moment we'd been waiting for... only it wasn't... because it wasn't OFFICIAL... and we knew it.  So, after pouring over her papers, we requested her official referral and our adoption specialist suggested that we contact our doctors and have them review her info before committing.  So we did... and Tuesday we told our agency we were prepared to add Liuliu to our family! Then, the China Team Coordinator suggested we ask the orphange some questions about Liuliu before receiving her referral.

 Totally backwards.






This is normally the privilege of a family who has accepted a referral and wants to learn a little bit about this new person they are adding to their family.  It's a wonderful blessing to gain new insights before meeting face-to-face!  But we're doing it before we know she's ours.  Our agency wants to be sure we're able to make a fully informed decision (especially regarding how much her hydrocephalus may have affected her abilities).  And I can appreciate their motives in this. I can. At least... I'm trying to :)


But in the meantime, I'm trying to protect my heart from a sweet little girl in China whom I've never met...

when I'd rather be exploding with joy!!! 

So, now it's Wednesday. It may take up to a week for us to receive word back from China on Liuliu's current condition/progression. And until then we must wait... again.  Now, I know 2 posts ago I said I was happy to be waiting.  Waiting for that moment. That call.

 but I don't think I meant this kind!

  

And there's yet another little hiccup... Andy's headin' to Huntsville for all of next week... while the rest of us remain in Florida.  Not the best time to need to sign papers together, huh?!

This is not going as I thought it would... to say the least. Why, God?!?

So, even though I know better, I have to keep reminding myself... God IS in control.  If God wants Liuliu to be our daughter, it doesn't matter how long these things take... she will not be taken by another family, but will be waiting for us.  If not, then I must readily accept that God is using her to somehow teach us and conform us into His image.  God so often takes me to places where I MUST depend on Him.  Because I just CAN'T do this on my own!  I am 100% helpless to change any of these circumstances (no matter how hard I may try!).  All I can do is trust in Him... just like when we had our name taken off the list last summer.  It was hard, and felt like forever at times, but it was sooo worth it and such a huge blessing in the end! 

But, apparently, it is still a lot harder for me than one would think...